Born in Sweden; I was a restless soul and from an early age I had always felt different from others and somehow I did not really fit in. I was a loner and spent a lot of my time in my room, listening to music and daydreaming. I hated school and was bullied because I was obese. So I quit school and started working at the age of 15. I tried different jobs, but I had a hard time to stay put, not to mention to settle down with the 9 – 5 routine. Somehow I knew it was not for me. I felt out of place; friends and family started to see me as someone who was just drifting, and they thought that I didn’t have any desire to work. When I went to the Jobcentre and told them about my dreams and my passions, they told me that I was being unrealistic and should stop with that nonsense. My adviser even signed me up to see a Job Psychiatrist, because she couldn’t understand why I wasn’t able to hold on to a job. That was the last time she saw me, I signed off from the Jobcentre and managed to get a temporary job at a call centre in Denmark.
Since my teenage years, I also had this dream about the UK. I wanted to live there, but I didn’t know why. I used to daydream a lot about it, and I just had this niggling feeling that it would happen. I was obsessed with it, but at the same time, I was frustrated because I didn’t know how to do it and I didn’t have the courage either to leave my hometown Malmö. I did try to relocate – I had a very good friend called Marita and she was living in the UK. She helped me three times with accommodation and helping me find a job. But looking back; I realise that I wasn’t ready. I was too naive and wasn’t prepared to leave my comfort zone in Sweden.
But then in my early thirties something happened, I felt that now was the time to leave Sweden, I didn’t feel inspired nor happy. No one could understand why I wanted to leave, but I couldn’t understand what all the fuss was about because I didn’t move very far. I took a “baby step” and moved to Denmark (Sweden’s neighbour). In Denmark, I felt more at home, more at ease and free. I even had a regular job that I enjoyed for a few years. I felt lucky, because my employer saw something in me that no one had seen before, and offered me a position as a shop manager as well as a 2 bedroom flat in Copenhagen. I was a very sociable person as well, and was out and about in Copenhagen; connecting and meeting people through live music and my photography.
In 2007 my health began to decline, and I was in and out of hospital due to cysts on my ovaries. In 2008 I was diagnosed with endometriosis and told that I could never have children. Which was a huge shock because it’s something you take for granted.
At the beginning of 2009 when I was 35-years-old I became really worried about my health again because something wasn’t right. I went to my doctor and she sent me to the hospital but they dismissed my symptoms because I have Endometriosis. Many people and even doctors are not fully aware that this illness is serious, and it affects a woman’s whole life. We live in constant pain, some of us cannot have children, we can’t hold on to our job and we are struggling with doctors and relatives who do not take our pain seriously.
My pain worsened, and eventually I could not eat, I threw up everything and I couldn’t empty my bowel. I was in constant pain and was extremely bloated.
So on the 23rd of April 2009, I saw my doctor and she realised that something was very wrong with me. I was admitted into the hospital immediately. They took tests all day and in the evening they did an x-ray. They found a growth in my colon and due to that; my colon was twisted and about to burst. The next morning I had a lifesaving colostomy operation, and when I woke up I thought it was just a bad dream.
It wasn’t a bad dream, and more news would follow. I found out that my beloved mother Birgitta had been found dead at her flat the same morning I had my operation. My life has not been the same since that day. The doctors also told me that I might have cancer and I had to wait four days for the biopsy. It was the longest wait ever; however, I didn’t have much time to think because I was so ill after the operation. I had 41 degrees in fever and I was attached to a catheter, a nasogastric probe, pain relief from a machine into my spine, and intravenous fluid in my both hands, a big wound on my tummy, a stoma and colostomy bag. After four days I found out that my tumour was not cancerous, which was a huge relief.
During my recovery, I was both sad and angry. But I did a lot of soul-searching and for the first time I was forced to be still, just to focus on myself, my new routines and I began to listen within. It was a blessing to hear the guidance from my soul; I know she had tried to whisper to me earlier, but me being too occupied I never listened. I had an awakening, and I said to myself that I just have to accept my situation, because there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn’t go back in time and change it. Being angry and sad would only do me more harm, and it would definitely not bring my mother back or get rid of my colostomy bag. From that moment I realised how lucky I was. I was alive, and I somehow found an enormous strength to carry on, and I wanted to be well again. I wanted to live my life to the fullest, follow my dreams and move abroad.
I took the leap on the 1st of August 2010. I trusted my inner guidance and I knew that the Universe was behind me, making sure that I was safe. I arrived in London and I had booked a hotel for two weeks. I didn’t know where I was going after those weeks, but I knew I was on the right path. The Universe showed me the sign and a new door opened. The owners of the hotel were also landlords and helped me to settle in a studio flat in Palmers Green, London. I realized though that London was not really my place to be.
When I was younger it was cool and hip to be in London but now I just found it too busy and noisy. So I went to Bristol and eventually ended up in Trowbridge because I met a guy and moved in with him and his elderly mother.
Spirituality has always been a big part of me since I was a child. I can hear and see spirits, just like my mother. Sensing and seeing Spirit around me became natural for me and knowing that spirit always has my back has been a tremendous comfort. The things I have experienced is the reason why I am a believer and they have helped me so much. And I suppose that is the reason why I felt so different as a child, I knew I was different and I didn’t want others to think that I was a freak. It wasn’t until I started to read James Van Praagh’s books in the 90’s that I understood that I wasn’t alone and I was definitely not a freak. I bought my first tarot deck in 1997 and dived into the world of tarot and intuition. After doing tarot readings for friends and family for years; I decided to launch my website Cosmic Moon in January 2011. I have worked with clients all over the world, and to begin with, I thought that I had found my calling.
However; as time progressed I noticed that I stopped enjoying it because I didn’t want to be labelled as a “fortune teller” and I didn’t know how to run a business, or how to charge for my services. I couldn’t survive financially. I never set any boundaries either, and I had people contacting me on late nights and wanted my help immediately. It felt like I was drowning, and it made my life extremely stressful. My current relationship had broken down as well and it all just became too much. I felt like a fraud because here I was giving advice to people and trying to help them when I couldn’t even help myself. When that happens it is better to take a step back because you can’t help someone if you are not true to yourself, and with all the stress around me, I couldn’t cope with it and my heart was not in it anymore.
So I took a timeout, I left my relationship and my home in Trowbridge, Wiltshire. I was homeless for a while because I was staying with friends in London until I found myself a room to rent in a houseshare in Stevenage. It wasn’t ideal but at least I had my own space. From that point on I could begin to heal, as well as figuring out what I wanted to do.
I had met a new man, and I fell in love. Being in business himself, I believe he was a blessing from the Universe because his knowledge and experience were exactly what I needed to be able to move forward with my business as well as my whole life. I didn’t stay in Stevenage; instead, I found a flat in Doncaster and my man was in Stockport, Cheshire running a hotel. I also found myself in regular employment. It’s something I had to do because it gave me time to reflect and to get back on my feet without worrying about my finances, as well as to figure out what I truly wanted to do. Having a regular job, gave me both confidence and financial independence.
2016 – 2018 Back in Stevenage, moved in with my man and started a new job at Premier Inn.
In the summer of 2017, I came to the conclusion that I didn’t want to push or try to rush things to happen. I realised that I couldn’t control it and the harder I tried to figure it all out and stress about it; the further I came from my truth. I could feel that a new shift had arrived within me and I decided to just go with the flow and do things with joy. Since then, everything is so much easier and I do my best to always tune into my soul and ask how it “feels.”
My business, as well as my life, has been on a journey with many ups and downs, and I have had a difficult time to figure out what I do and offer. It’s not easy when you are a multi-passionate entrepreneur and try to do everything at once. I feel that I ended up with a flaky business with no direction, money or purpose and I had to get clear about my business and what I truly want to offer.
What I do know is that I love to support and inspire others. I love to write and I love being an entrepreneur. I love learning new things and I am a very curious individual. The world and the way we work has changed and I feel that we have so many different opportunities and we can do anything that our heart desires. And living life of purpose doesn’t always mean that you have to start your own business – your purpose can be anything that makes you truly happy.
2018 – Temporary jobs and working with clients.
2019 – My partner and I had plans and we have been working on it since September – October 2018. However, things and premises fell through or were delayed. Which was quite frustrating. We both know that the Universe is on our side, and we believe that the Universe just want us to have a pause and think things through. Since I know now that I am due for surgery, I do feel that the timing of our new adventure is not happening yet.
With love and courage,